I wasn't planning on writing this and I actually had another topic I wanted to post about today but, as I was having a catch-up with my best friend (Anna) and an old friend we bumped into, we started talking about what we were like 3/4/5 years ago. With my 19th Birthday (ew) coming up, this nostalgic conversation had me wondering how much I've changed in the past year. So, I decided to write a blog about what I have and have yet to learn during my 19th orbit around the sun. ( I also wrote this at 12am on my birthday so sorry in advance if it's sloppy)
What I have learned:
The world doesn't revolve around me- shocking, ik!
When I was younger I used to get really annoyed when people left me out of plans, didn't check up on me as much as I thought they should, or didn't put in as much effort as I expected. I think it's easy to personalise these things. Humans like to personalise and anthropomorphise things, which results in taking a lot of things personally. In reality, they are not personal at all. I am not the centre of the universe and people have other things on their mind. An example of this is how, around 3/4 years ago, my best friend didn't invite me on a beach trip I felt like I should have been invited to. I took it personally and was angry (and sad) with her for not including me. Little did I know, that she didn't even arrange the trip nor decide who was invited and, even if she did, there probably would have been a good reason for not inviting me.
I think this is an especially relevant point during lockdown because a lot of people feel like they're owed being checked up on by their friends, and fail to consider the shit they might be going through.
None of us are perfect, but understanding that people do things which upset us without the intention of doing so is important. And, if this does happen, we should talk to our friends/families about it so it doesn't happen again.
While at Uni, I picked up on a little quote that two of my friends from second year like to say a lot and it's 'don't deep it'.
Not to care what others think… but really
The art of not caring is a one I think most people battle with at different stages in our lives. To some extent, I think it's in our nature to care about other people's opinions of us and I don't think it's is a bad thing when directed properly. The issues begin when we care more about strangers opinions of ourselves than we do our own. It seems stupid when I say it out loud, but it's true for a lot of people.
One thing which really helped me overcome this problem was knowing that people will judge me either way: if I do something I want to do, or if I refrain from doing that thing because I am scared of being 'judged'. It's funny because most people simply don't care what we do. When they do care, it's probably because it's inspiring, useful or just nice to see someone doing something they love. 99% of the time when people who 'judge' us in the negative sense, it's just a reflection of their own issue which they need to work out. This obviously doesn't include constructive criticism - this is a good thing and will help you grow as a person - but only nasty or judgemental comments with the intention of bringing you down.
You can't change people's minds but you can inspire them to change it for themselves
The next thing was, and still is, hard for me to accept. It's something which affects nearly every aspect of my relationship and connections with other people. From political views to trying to get friends out of toxic situations, I have learned that you can never tell people what to do or think. No matter how clear the evidence may be against their cause and for yours, the majority of people need to work things out for themselves. It's like when you try to educate people about things like institutional racism, homophobia, or rape culture etc. and they just don't listen. I also find the same frustration when trying to help friends out in toxic situations. The upshot is that people - a lot of the time- just need to figure things out for themselves.
This isn't, by any means, suggesting to lower your voice about important inequalities in the world or giving your friend advice. It's just a word of caution to not be naive as I was, thinking I could change everyone's mind about topics I'm passionate about, with just one conversation. I think the best thing to do is to still have the conversations, but try to find a middle ground (if there is one), and plant a seed.
A lot of vegan activists, especially Joey Carbstrong, focus on the point of planting seeds in people's heads and I like that idea. It's not about thinking you can convince someone first time, because 99% of the time you'll be disappointed. Rather, it's giving someone something ( a seed) to think about and inspire them to make the change for themselves.
To not expect as much
This draws on the last two points I made but it is basically to not expect much, if anything at all, from others. When I have high expectations for someone or something and they don't materialise, I often feel quite sad and even betrayed. Yet, when I have next to no expectation at all, I never seem to feel like that. No one owes me anything and my expectation is only based on myself, so why should I expect others to reach them? When it comes down to it, I just find when there is no expectation, I am happier.
To like peanut butter
Now, this one may seem strange, but I have always wanted to like peanut butter! It just looks so nice (especially the smooth version) on a slice of toast but I have never seemed to like it.
However, this year, I happened to stumble across the meridian smooth peanut butter, which is 100% peanuts, and it's honestly changed my life. Instead of it being salty and clacky (that's not a word), it's naturally sweet and warm (?). It goes without saying, but it's really good for us too, as it's packed full of protein and good fats. I just love it and proudly eat it by the spoon. I highly recommend getting on this peanut butter and, if you take anything away from this post, let it be that.
To love my body
My perception of my body has changed too. It's still not perfect but after years of wanting to be any weight I wasn't, and going through extreme ways of getting there, I've just learned to accept myself for who I am. I don't restrict what I eat anymore and indulge whenever I fancy. I also feel better than ever since I have been vegan ( 2 years now, yey).
I think I'm at a point in my life where it matters more to have a good time and enjoy myself than it does to even think about my weight or how my body looks (half of it's in my head anyway). I still like to stay active and healthy, but I don't count calories or think it's the end of the world if I go a few days of eating complete shit- it's just part of life.
Money =/= happiness
Wow, my view of money has changed so much. Money used to be a big driver and indication of success for me, but now it just isn't. I think part of this is because, although my family are so good with their money and we have never, thankfully, been short, we have never had loads of money. For example, we have never had a big house, new cars, or the latest iPhone/ gadgets.* Apart from some fab family holidays, we have always been pretty normal. So naturally, because everything seems to tell us so, I perceived money as an indication of a successful and happy life. Although this may be true for some, I don't think it is for me.
Money is a means to an end, not an end within itself. Money has no inherent value, it's just a piece of paper and only worth what the market dictates. Basing my perception of success and happiness on such an unpredictable, fake thing just doesn't make sense to me. Instead, I try to base it on how I change the world for the better (wow cringe ik) and how happy I am within myself. If I could live in a van, in Australia, while simultaneously helping improve the world, I would.
*I'm not saying that in an ungrateful way either. I am so privileged to live the life I do and I wouldn't change it for anything, it's been the best.
What I have yet to figure out:
To control my emotions
Ouch, this one is sensitive (like me). If you haven't already picked up on it, I find it hard to control my emotions, which is made worse by being a very emotional person. I think at one point in my life I used to suppress them and was thus quite angry with the world and people around me. Though now I don't do this, I still find it hard to regulate them. I am still over-empathic, too hot-headed, take things too personally and are too black and white, but I am growing and learning to overcome these challenges. I accept this. It's exciting to see how I will change in a year and I welcome that growth.
To spell/write
This one is sensitive too. I have never been the brightest person in the room (albeit the loudest) and I am especially lacking skills in the writing department. From spelling to writing, I have never really been the best at it. It's part of the reason I started this blog; to get better. My Uni tutor made me cry once when she was reviewing my first essay (I can't go into too much detail, it's traumatic) and from then on, I have been determined to prove to her (myself really) that I can actually write to a decent standard.
What I want to do with my life
I still don't know! It's annoying because I love to have a goal and logical steps to get there, but in this sphere of my life, nothing seems to have clicked for me yet. I used to want to be a commercial lawyer, but that changed because I want to help actual people. Then a journalist, but I need to be able to write so ouch. There have been many other ideas down the line too. I know it's okay for me to not know what I want to do with my life, but part of me despises the fact I have a lack of direction. It's something to work on I suppose, but I still hate it.
Overall, I have had a pretty good 19th orbit and I am kind of sad to be going onto my next. Having said this, I am sure exciting and fun things are ahead and I can't wait to see what will happen in the next year.
Happy 19th bday to me xoxo
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